JxHQ: I Don't Fucking Care
by DonnaJossee
Summary: Joker Get's Jealous Of Doctor Jonathan Crane and Doctor Harleen Quinzel (set before Joker and Harley dated) ONESHOT.


**This is dedicated to** ** _shariebery._** **This has been so much fun to write! Even though it's kinda new for me to write on this untouched ground of what Harleen/Jonathan's relationship was before he became Scarecrow and she became Harley Quinn, it's very fun and very interesting to write. I hope it met your expectations and I hope I've made you proud with it. - Donna Jossee**

 **Prompt: Joker Get's Jealous Of Doctor Jonathan Crane and Doctor Harleen Quinzel (set before Joker and Harley dated)**

 ** _I Don't Fucking Care_**

The Joker waited for his 8:00 a.m. appointment with his doctor to come around as he stared up at the cracked ceiling of his cell and whistled gingerly.

He couldn't wait to see her, to tell her how good he'd been . . . maybe she would let him take his straight jacket off if she knew some idiot spilt their water on him in the cafeteria and he didn't claw their eyes out.

Hell, Maybe she'd do more than let him take his straight jacket off.

He smirked smugly at the thought.

God, he wished she would do more.

He'd been trying for ages to get her to even contemplate them being together, all he would get for suggesting it, was a stern 'that's not appropriate, Mister J. You're getting off subject.'

There had to be a reason why she was so hostile towards him, purposely resisting his sadistic charm.

The guards took their time once they got to his cell and strapped him in the straight jacket. He rolled his eyes at the fear he cold feel coming off of them.

There was no resistance when they started leading him out of the cell, down to her office.

His heart picked up speed a little, his toes were all tingly, he was excited - happy even - to see the young doctor as she sat at her desk . . . just finishing up a kiss with Doctor Jonathan Crane.

His smile immediately hit rock bottom and fell into a deep frown. His eyes glossed over and he felt a tremor of anger snip through him.

That bastard had the fucking nerve to kiss his fucking Doctor?!

HA!

That's when he saw her smile beautifully at Crane and nod her head to something he mumbles.

They say their goodbyes and Jonathan looks Joker up and down.

"Good morning, Mister Joker." He nodded to him kindly.

"Here, let me bend over so I can make kissing my ass easier." Joker sneered back.

"Mister J!" Harleen's mouth was open and her brows were pulled together.

"No, it's alright, Harleen." Jonathan assured her before turning his attention back to Joker, his eyes narrowing. "One day when you least expect it, I'm gonna take advantage of your straight jacket and just beat the hell out of you." He says quietly and Joker raises an amused brow.

"Go right ahead. You're just gonna lose your job and your girlfriend. I mean, you're gonna lose one of the two regardless of how you treat me but whichever way gets me balls deep in my Harleen the quickest, works for me." He grins silver and Crane rolls his jaw.

"You're more crazy than I thought if you think she'd ever do such a repulsive thing with you. So just give it up, clown." Jonathan cocks his head and the Joker hums.

"Hmmm, the only thing I'm gonna give up, is a load down her throat." He replies smugly. "Good chat." He pushes past him and plops down in the chair across from Harleen.

Crane just glares at him with hatred. Joker feels him looking at the back of his head and chuckles.

"Balls deep, Crane. Balls deep." He winks at Harleen's confused face and Jonathan slams the door. "You're in trouble, baby." Joker speaks slyly and she looks at him curiously.

"Excuse me?"

"Why didn't ya tell me you and professor cunt-cake were together?" He snaps suddenly and she sighs.

"Because it's not your business." She states boldly and he looks around for someone else in the room, to make sure she was talking to him.

"Is anyone else in here because I know you're not talking down to me like that." He hisses and she rolls her jaw.

"And if I am? You're in a straight jacket. You can't hurt me."

"I can get out of a straight jacket. You can't get out of trouble with me." He narrows his eyes. "Watch it, Doctor Quinzel."

She feels a slight guilt in her stomach. She and he did share so much together. She'd told him about her strict parents, he told her about his first job at ACE Chemical Plant . . . he knew about her rough relationships, her constant use of her looks to get her grades in college. Why hadn't she told him about Jonathan? It never crossed her mind to? Or maybe it was that she knew he'd be upset and she hated seeing him upset.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to be angry with me." She admits softly.

"I'm more angry that you kept it from me." He replies sharply. "Not to mention that you could've chosen someone so much better."

"Mister J, my choices are my choices. You have no right to tell me what I can and can't - " She stops, seeing him stare blankly at her.

She knew she wasn't getting anywhere by arguing with him.

"Can we start the session now?" She clears her throat.

 **Harleen** sighs, cutting her lamp off in her office before she turns to go to the door.

Her heels click on the floor as she walks down the row of patients on her way to the elevator.

She passes by Joker's cell, looking at it intently.

He was doing push ups, sweat coating his body.

She stopped abruptly and stared. She lost count of how long she stared, but when he got up, she looked away and started walking again.

"Hey, Doc." J called after her and she stopped, wincing before she turned and looked at him.

"Yes?"

"Be careful headin' home." He grinned widely and she smiled gently.

"I will." She nods.

"Don't talk to strangers." He adds.

"I won't."

"Don't fuck Crane."

"What?" She didn't know if she heard him correctly.

"What?" He replies at the same time she asked it. "I didn't say anything." He shakes his head.

She furrows her brows, hesitating before she turns back to go home.

 **The** second she gets home, she pours a glass of wine and falls back on the couch, turning GCN on.

" _The mom-and-pop restaurant downtown is being investigated for illegal drug storag_ e - "

Harleen cuts off the TV after Vicki Vales first sentence.

She decided she just needed a good old fashioned bubble bath to calm her nerves.

Getting up, she placed her glass on the coffee table and headed to her bathroom, turning the water on and lighting a few of her stress relieving candles.

Dimming the lights, she pours bubble bath solution into the running water and watches as the white fluffs take up her bathtub.

She takes her cloths off and slides in, cutting the tap off and leaning back.

After a few minutes, she hears the front door unlocking.

Within a couple minutes, Jonathan's peaking his head into the bathroom to check on her.

"You okay?" He asks cautiously.

"Yeah, just have a head ache." She explains.

"Would some Chinese take out help? I got three boxes of fried rice and 4 boxes of sweet and sour chicken and 2 boxes of General Sou's chicken, plus the box of egg rolls." He smiles a little and she feels her stomach growling.

"I'll be out in a second." She assures him.

"Okay." He nods, shutting the door and she sighs.

Fifteen minutes later, Harleen was shocking friend rice out of the small box and onto a plate, listening as Jonathan explained to her his theory about Pamela Isley's obsession with plants.

"The woman is a nut, anyway, so . . . " he finishes and she looks at him carefully.

"She's not a nut. She's very passionate about something she believes in. She's a very smart woman, Jonathan." She explains and he raises a brow.

"Right. Next thing you'll say Joker's actually a pretty sweet guy." He scoffs sarcastically and she licks her lips.

"He is a really sweet man." She pours more wine and sits on the couch.

Jonathan laughs coldly and shakes his head.

"Certainly see why he likes you so much. You have a good sense of humor."

"I'm not joking." She finds his shit-talk non-amusing.

He looks at her seriously now and sets his plate on the coffee table.

"Oh, I see." He stands to get some water and she sighs heavily.

"He's really not all that bad, Jonathan. If you could actually have a civil conversation with him sometime - "

" - Civil?! There's nothing civil about that man, Harleen. He's completely deceiving and barbaric. Or have you let him talk you into forgetting exactly why he's in Arkham in the first place?"

"I have not!" She raises her voice suddenly. "You always think the patients are complete loons that are too stupid to spell their own name or too satanic to be kind enough to even tell someone 'good morning'!"

"God damn it, Harleen! If they don't want to be treated like animals, they shouldn't act like such!" He outbursts.

She's a little shocked. He'd never raised his voice at her like that. He never acted like that. He was usually very patient and understanding.

But not now.

He was taking deep breaths, rubbing his forehead.

She's about to speak until he grabs his empty glass of water and tosses it into the sink, making a loud clashing noise. She jumps slightly and he slams the cabinet shut.

With a worried expression taking over her features, she looks at her plate of friend rice, not feeling hungry anymore.

She sets the plate on the coffee table and stands, walking to their bedroom.

She throws on her coat and grabs her car keys before walking to the front door.

"W - Where are you going?" Jonathan asks her calmly. "It's 10:00 at night, Harleen." He reaches for her wrist but she snatches away.

"I'm going out for some air." She states sternly, slamming the door behind her.

Arkham Asylum was something completely different at night. During the day, light she'd through barred up windows and cracked ceilings. Every doctor held a happy demeanor to make the atmosphere be more welcoming. The halls flittered with telephone rings and paper shuffling and quiet whispers of co-workers gossiping. It was busy.

It was decently safe.

But at night, only demons roamed the halls. Shadows crept through every crack of the ceilings, every window.

Eerie pale-green emergency lights lit the halls, a stray lamp light from a security officer's desk shined every now and then and constant mumbles of patients and screams of nightmares echoed the hallways.

One particular noise that Harleen always heard really unhinged the night security, was the The Joker's maniacal laughing at random hours of the night. What he was laughing at was always unknown. They always said it was best to never know what it was that made him laugh. It was either to grotesque or too 'out there' for simple minds to comprehend, let alone find humor in.

Harleen didn't care.

She was in a fit of crying and confusion, just needing burry herself in work and forget about Jonathan's outburst.

He'd been acting differently ever since he started working in the laboratory of the Asylum.

He wasn't himself. He was still kind - when he wanted to be. He could get almost as mean as the devil when he was upset.

Harleen started down the hallway that her office was on, and was almost past the Joker's cell.

He heard her coming the second the elevator stopped on his floor. His eyes snapped open and he listened carefully as she sniffled and cried quietly.

He wanted to pick at her for being there so late, but when he caught a glimpse of her tear stained face and bare feet, he sat up and walked to the door instead.

"Harley?" He asked gently and she stopped in her tracks, wiping her eyes quickly.

"Yes, Mister J?" She smiled as if she were okay and he narrowed his eyes.

"There a reason you're waking me up with all the crying?" He crosses his muscular arms and Harleen has to stop herself from staring.

"I'm catching up on some paper work." She tells him and he looks her up and down.

Did she think he was an idiot?

She was in a nightie, her hair was still damp from her bath, her feet were bare of any shoes and she wasn't even wearing a bra. She just had her coat on as if that made her attire okay to wear out of the house.

He frowned, displeased with her dishonesty.

"What'd he do?" He asks next and she looks at him with wide eyes.

"What?"

"What. Did. He. Do?"

"Who?"

"You know who." He snaps, anger laced thickly in his voice.

Harleen just stares at him, her throat forming a lump, her heart pounding.

"It wasn't anything, really." She mumbles, looking at the ground. "He . . . " she trailed off, trying to find a way to phrase it so Jonathan didn't seem like a complete prick.

" . . . He what?" J grabbed onto the bars over the window and ground his teeth together.

"He lost his temper, is all." She holds her chin high.

"Did he hit you?" He asks next and she licks her lips.

"No."

"Are you being honest with me?" He kept pressing.

"Yes, I am." She nods slowly.

He didn't hit me this time, she thinks to herself.

"Has he ever hit you?"

"No." she shakes her head and he raises a brow, hearing her voice crack and her body language change.

She was lying.

"Why'd he lose his temper?" He gets his mind off of her being abused by Jonathan to avoid from murdering him the next time he saw him.

"I defended you." The words topple from her lips and his whole face brightens at her words.

"Taking a psychological hit for dear old Mister J." He grins widely and she smiles shyly.

"He was being a dick."

"Does he know where you are?"

"I told him I needed some air."

"So he doesn't know you're here? Right now? With me?"

"Don't." She shakes her head.

"Don't what?"

"Don't turn it into something like that."

"Like what?" He asks amused.

"You know what." She hisses.

"Afraid I don't." He smirks and she narrows her eyes.

"Listen, and listen good, Joker. Me and you are Doctor and Patient. Whatever sick fantasy you have brewing that you're hanging over Jonathan's head, I refuse to be apart of it. Yes, my relationship isn't perfect but I'm happy and I will be damned if you get in the way of my happiness. I'll make sure you stay locked up in this hell hole for the rest of your life if I have to, but you will not let you destroy my relationship for your own satisfaction." She snarls.

He stares at her, his smirk falling, his eyes angry. He leans forward, his hands resting on the frame of the door, his jaw rolling.

"You and your precious Jonathan won't last past next month. And the funny part is that I won't have to put in any effort to make it happen. You'll both blow it to hell for me."

He smiles widely and she takes a step back, tears clouding her vision as she walks quickly back to the elevator.


End file.
